Light As a Feather, Flat As a Board

by :l
(Pacific Northwest)

Hello all, I'm just about 17, around 5'5", weigh approximately 110 lbs, and am a 32B, although depending on the fit, I can go into an A cup and, miraculously, a 34B which I can barely fill.

I started the menstrual cycle when I was in my early teens, and I don't know how I could still be so flat after all these years. I've always been the flat one in my circle of friends. I suppose I have a bottom and nice facial features, but whenever someone says to me that I look pretty, I don't feel it. Maybe just my face, but that's it. I'm aware of my stubbornness, but I usually hate it when people say something along the lines of me being pretty - I just don't agree with them because of my body, and I wonder sometimes how much they mean it. I don't like being called "cute" either, because at times I associate that word with little girls, being that little girls generally have...flat chests.

Whenever I peer into the mirror, I am struck by how much my chest area looks like a boys, and it's so humiliating and depressing for me. I can never picture myself looking womanly, or feminine, in a bikini. I know there are more things in life to worry about - and trust me, I do worry about them - but when it comes to my breasts, I get the most intense, negative reactions to my self image and worth. There are periods of crying in frustration at the size of my chest, and even times when I want to hurt myself (never have though) because of it (issues to straighten out, I know).

Even though I'm still a virgin, I have a boyfriend, and whenever we get as intimate as we can get, I am just too embarrassed and ashamed to even take my bra off, let alone my top. He tells me I'm fine the way I am, and I do appreciate that, but since I have small breasts, I sometimes don't feel worth his time and that he could've done better with someone else (which does usually lead to arguments). The thought of him seeing and being with my bare boy chest horrifies me to no end.

I definitely don't want fake implants, and I definitely don't want to be the biggest in town. I just don't want to be stuck with something androgynous looking body-wise; I want to actually look like a woman, and be a woman for my boyfriend. I want to look proportionate. After research, and if I had the money, I'd try some of these natural methods of increasing breast size with pills or herbs. I suppose gaining a little weight (yes, the healthy way) would help, since my BMI is a little under. My mother was a late bloomer (around 20's), and I'm still young and changing, so there could be some changes happening, but I'm too scared to get my hopes up based on this only to be deeply disappointed later on. I'm not trying to put anyone else down with all this; this is all just me venting and organizing my thoughts, which does help somewhat. I'm glad for those who have been able to accept the way they are, and if it ends up that I'm stuck like this for the rest of my life, well, I currently think it could take just as long to accept it.

Here are some other links you may enjoy:

• Male to Female Breast Enlargement

• Women who Removed their Implants.

• Breast Enlargement Diet Tips.