Not vanity - it's about femininity!

by Anonymous
(UK)

Hi, I thought I'd share how my breasts make me feel. I'm 24 and a mum of 2 kids. My boobs were always small and people have always joked about it. Boys in school used to say I was ugly because I had no shape. They'd ask what size I was and I couldn't answer because I didn't have a size.

And in relationships boyfriends had compared my lack of breasts to girls with huge ones, so I always felt unattractive and not good enough. I wasn't curvy like other girls.

Now I'm married and have 2 kids. I hate my chest completely. It stops me wearing nice clothes, I can't buy underwear in shops so I hate buying it, I always cry when I buy bras. It's pathetic. I've seen my doctor who just gave me a number for a therapist and my husband doesn't understand either because he says I'm beautiful and I don't believe him any more. How can he love me when my chest is as flat as his? I want surgery to get a cup size, not huge boobs, just something small to make me look like a girl. I don't want to go out, and if I'm in company I always wear baggy clothes with high neck-lines, or sit with my knees up so my chest is hidden. I can't be intimate at all and it's affecting my confidence to the point where I can hardly speak up to people any more.

Nobody understands because I'm thin and tall, so they say "But catwalk models have no chests and they are happy and rich!" The thing is - I'm not a catwalk model, or even a model, I have seen these models and some of their chests ARE bigger than mine!

I don't want breasts for confidence, I want them so I can feel like a woman, because I have to buy "training bras", "Girls First bra"s and "little women" bras. I feel it is degrading. And even when I buy bras from online stores, their models are at least an A or B cup, so I look at them and hate them! I don't want to buy bras at all, in fact, I've been told that A cup or smaller - don't need bras at all, because there's not enough tissue to need any support!

I can't look in the mirror or look down because I know they're not there. I went up to a DD when I was pregnant with the kids, and now I have nothing. It feels like I have lost my femininity, and nobody understands at all how I feel. They just tell me I'm pretty and that boobs don't make you a woman. But this is what I've been told for over 10 years. So I believe that I'm not attractive or feminine. I don't even know any other girl or woman with breasts as small as mine. Unless they're 13 years old and still developing. I hate it. It makes me miserable! I have a supportive loveing husband, but I still feel this way. I know you don't need boobs to be loved, but I don't love myself. That's the problem...

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